This is the first paragraph of the sample chapter for my book proposal, and the story of how it came to be. I didn't know where to start. I never do. And nothing ever happens unless I do. Usually, if I get the first line, I can get the whole thing, in a way, sort of. For what seems like one million years, I've had this line stuck in my head. I used it a bunch of times in the proposal already, but oh, well. "Justine Joli is the prettiest girl in Porn Valley." I like it because it's true, and it rhymes, which is nice. I wasn't sure where to go after that, and, sadly, one sentence was not enough. I needed more. I remembered some stuff someone told me about writing the one thing I knew to be true. "She has red hair, blue eyes, and her skin is like porcelain." Now what? How 'bout that body. "Her face is heart shaped, her lips are full, and her breasts, which are perfect, are real." At first, I wrote "boobs" instead of "breasts." I like the word "boobs." I think it's hi-larious. But I was, um, trying to be taken seriously, or trying to give the impression that I was trying to be taken seriously, which is all, of course, very trying, so I went with breasts. For now. I also thought about describing her lips as "pillow-y," but that seemed mildly retarded. I considered comparing her to Angelina Jolie, but that sounded unfair to everyone. I went with numbers. "Numerically speaking, her measurements are 34B-24-34, she stands five foot eight, and she weighs 114 pounds." I like the idea of trying to describe a porn star with numbers, as if that would reveal something about her to you. "Her long, lithe body resembles that of a ballet dancer, which she was once, and she is so flexible she can smoke a cigarette she holds between her toes." Yes! She really can. You gotta love that girl. And she does it, like, no problem. So, take that, pretzel girl. "Her birthday is July 16, making her a Cancer, which means she is both romantic and shrewd." I love that part. In a nutshell, that line, which is based in the sketchy world of interplanetary visionaries, says everything about her that is true that I am going to unfold in the chapter. She straddles what lies between love and business. "She is 26 years old." That's porn for you.
