I took this photo of myself last night, right after I came home, less than an hour after I won top honors at the Miss Douchebag 2009 pageant. It was simply an amazing night, a true honor. If only I had been able to fit the trophy through the front door. Thankfully, I had the strength of mind to capture my image in the bathroom mirror, but a few feet from the toilet.
This is the first photo of myself that I've posted online in around five years, I think. Conveniently blurry, isn't it? Flash, thou art mine enemy.
Alas, I did not receive the Queen's blessing ...
Queen Elizabeth I: For you and for your heirs, Orlando: the house.
Orlando: Your Majesty, I am forever ...
Queen Elizabeth I: But on one condition. Do not fade. Do not wither. Do not grow old.
