Previously, I've written here about the best porn movie I've ever seen, which is, of course, the only good porn movie ever made, which is, obviously, "The Operation," which is great for many reasons, most significantly because it allows you to see inside of other people.Over the years, I have seen a great many porn movies. For a time, I had it stockpiled everywhere, because people kept giving it to me, and sending it to me, and it was in the closets, and the cabinets, and under the bed. Eventually, I moved, and after the moving guys had removed everything else, I pointed to several large black garbage bags, and explained what was inside of them, and the men sort of half-smiled and ducked their heads, and they picked up the bags, and then they were gone.
For several of those years, I was interested in seeing whatever I figured no one had seen, or what was hard to see. I don't know why. If the point was searing my brain, I succeeded. I saw bestiality porn, puke porn, pregnant porn, 86-year-old woman porn, midget porn, Ron Jeremy in a diaper porn, bukkake porn, gokkun porn, the world's biggest gangbang porn, sideshow porn, golden shower porn, coprophagy porn, people pretending to be dead porn, handicapped people porn, hot dog porn--you name it, I saw it. Some of it I saw getting made in person. Because of this, I sometimes consider that I have something in common with those who work in the FBI's AOS or DoJ's OPTF, those who are employed to see the worst of the worst, the basest of the basest, the craziest of the craziest. Because that's what you often see, if the people in them go far enough. You bear witness to those among us who are in the process of losing their minds. Only, this time, someone was there to record it. The sex? That's pretty irrelevant.
When I was in Los Angeles not long ago, I met someone who showed me some videos, and in sum total I would have to say that they were far and away the worst thing I've ever seen. By miles. That they were porn movies was incidental. They induced insomnia. After I saw them, if I closed my eyes, they would replay across the backs of my eyelids. They are focused on conjuring madness, and depict moments in which human beings behave in ways that are not simply primal, or animal--they are incomprehensible. They are so singularly fucked up that I haven't been able to even come close to describing them since viewing them. To anyone. Including you. And it's not what happens in them. It's what doesn't happen in them. There is no stoppage. No limit. No boundary not crossed. Here, transgression reaches the bottom of the pit, and what we discover of the pit is that it is deep, deeper than one would have thought humanly possible. In the end, no one is saved. Above all else, they are deeply, profoundly, unbearably sad.
So, if you came here, as some do, from googling "best porn movie ever made," there's the other side of the coin. Best not to forget about it. After all, whether you see it or not, it exists, some apocalyptically fucked up moment in time, repeating in an infinite loop, for whoever happens to watch it.
[Update: Please don't send me emails asking me how to get a copy of "The Operation." I don't know. If you want to find it, you will.]
