Mayday

For today's Double X post, I wrote about blogger Sarah Scott. From her "Story of the Scar":

I struggle up to the summit and begin the mile-long downhill that ends with a 90-degree turn that takes you back to town. Only I don't make the turn, and the world goes black for how long I have no idea. I don't remember if the EMT woke me up, or I just came too on my own, but I remember looking down at my thighs and thinking about dead meat. Big hunks of dead meat.

It made sense for a long time actually, because my legs still felt like I was on my bike. My legs in my mind, were straight out in front of me riding an invisible bike, like I was piloting Wonder Woman's jet. Then the pain started rippling out from between my shoulder blades and I snap back and forth between the phantom limbs and the horrible pain that keeps getting worse and worse minute by minute.

The helicopter arrives and they whisk me away to the nearest trauma center. I don't remember crying but I remember my eyes being very wet, I was willing myself to keep it together for what reason I have no idea. In Triage they give me morphine and don't talk to me much, and I know by their faces that it's really, really bad.

That's her self-portrait you're looking at.

Sarah May Scott on "Quid Pro Quo"

Reverse Cowgirl pal Sarah May Scott, a blogger with a T4/5 SCI, blogs "Some Thoughts on Apotemnophilism." According to Wikipedia, apotemnophilia is "the erotic interest in being or looking like an amputee," and the fetish is the focus of a new film starring Nick Stahl and Vera Farmiga: "Quid Pro Quo."

She writes: "I feel conflicted about this movie, because I am of the opinion that any depiction of wheelchair users as sexual is a good thing. Really, any depiction at all will do, because we are largely an invisible minority to a lot of people, and the only way to change that is to raise awareness. So for me a feature film that explores sexuality within a disability context is a move in the right direction, no matter how awful the subtext of the film might be."

Read the rest of her entry here. Meet Sarah here. Follow along as she trains her service dog Coco for certification here. Related: "My Own Private Rehab," "Melt Me Down into Big Black Armour," "Social Networking for the Disabled: Why?"

Sick Tits

"Double-Edged" is an interesting new personal essay up on Nerve. In it, Kayla Rachlin Small writes about what it's like to be blessed with an amazing rack when what lies underneath it is cystic fibrosis.

"There's a difference between someone who can overlook what's wrong with me and someone who wants to look directly at it. This is how I want to be loved. I want the disease inside my chest to be recognized, and touched with as much tenderness as the flesh on top, and maybe even lusted after like that, or loved."

Small, a recent Columbia grad, wrote about love and disease for the New York Times. (via Luxurious Vulgarity)

New Movie Explores World of Amputee Fetishism

Fuck "Crash." A freaky looking new movie, "Quid Pro Quo," starring Nick Stahl and Vera Farmiga, explores a world in which people pine to have their limbs removed.

When the film screened at Sundance, Cinematical said: "It's not like an odd romance between a semi-paralyzed radio reporter and a slightly-insane museum curator is going to knock down the box office walls, but there's always something to be said for a little flick that takes chances on potentially strange subject matter."

Sounds interesting. Read more about apotemnophilia.