The Reverse Cowgirl Year in Review

In honor of the year that I pulled my life out of the gutter coming to an end, I thought I would highlight some of the highs and lows of this blog. Ready yourself for the bitchy, the obscene, and the random. Consider this a virtual look back on a year that will, thankfully, never return.

1. In January, I launched a new online project, Letters from Johns, which was followed by Letters from Working Girls. This raised some hackles, which I responded to by wondering "So, It Would Be OK If I Fucked For Money?" Later, I wrote a longer, theoretically more thoughtful response to the Great Working Girl Debate of 2008. The lesson learned? If you publish emails written by prostitutes, some other prostitutes will get angry.

2. In February, I posted an essay I wrote in early 2005 when I was totally out of my mind. It's called "A Porn Valley Story." It's in Best Sex Writing 2006, if you're totally into paper.

3. In March, I wrote a sassy, superficial, and flip review of Charles Bock's Beautiful Children, for which I only bothered to read and review the sexy parts. No doubt a great use of my degree from Berkeley. Then I read the book. Then I asked Bock if I could interview him. Then he agreed. Then I posted the interview. If I'd done the whole thing high on cocaine, it probably would have been more exciting. Hindsight, 20/20, etc.

4. In April, I wrote another bitchy screed in which I said feminists were stupid because they declared the new Grand Theft Auto misogynist. This won me no friends and got me invited to no parties. Sadly, I spent the rest of the month crying into my soup and wondering why no one likes me.

5. In May, I reviewed Chuck Palahniuk's latest novel, Snuff, which I thought totally sucked ass. Really, it was just horrible. I want to throw up right now, just thinking about it. Speaking of puking, that month I also interviewed a scat video director. Strangely, this was one of my proudest moments of the year. Go figure! I'm nuts.

6. In June, some asshat plagiarized me.

7. In July, I got signed by Endeavor. I also got some Fox Searchlight Anal Beads (TM) in the mail. These two things are not related. I don't think.

8. In August, I went to New York. It was superfuckingawesome.

9. In September, a story I wrote about Spitzergate for Newsweek got selected for Best Sex Writing 2009. Go buy it.

10. In October, I got declared King Shit of Turd Hill, I started contributing to Slate's XX Factor, and I wrote an essay on Max Hardcore that got a lot of attention. If life is like the Special Olympics, I'm a fucking front-runner.

11. For two blissful weeks in November, I guestblogged on Boing Boing. This was one of the highest of the highest of the highlights of this year for me. It was everything I ever wanted to do. And then it was over.

12. In December, I wrote about my new American Apparel ad. A lot of people seem to like it. A lot of those people are women. Women = enigmatic.

Well, that was my year online. From porn to pooping, it's clear that I'm a real class act. Unfortunately, the best story of the year I am not allowed to tell. And it's really good. I wanted to write about it and pretend it was a dream, but I know if I told it, my agent would track me down and shoot me with a Taser, which would be not fun for me. So, someday, maybe. That's all she wrote.