What's That On My Doorstep? Oh. That Must Be My Fox Searchlight Anal Beads (TM)

So, a few weeks ago, I wrote about how Fox Searchlight was passing out anal beads to promote the fall release of "Choke." At the time, I emailed a Fox Searchlight VP of publicity, Melissa Holloway, who confirmed Fox Searchlight was, indeed, passing out anal beads to promote an upcoming movie--and she said she'd send me a set. My Fox Searchlight Anal Beads (TM) were in the mail! But then I didn't get my anal beads. Totally tragic, I know. Anyway, I figured that out not long ago, and I whined about not getting them, and then lo' and behold! I walked outside today, and there was a big UPS box on my doorstep, and I thought, oh, it's some godawful book from some craptastic publisher, and then I peered a little closer, and I saw the box read: "FSL -- CHOKE -- BOOKMARK BEADS VER. B (BLACK)." And I think you can figure out what was inside. Anyway, thank you, Fox Searchlight! You are my new BFF. Now if only Doubleday would send me their Snuff promotional lube, I'd be all set.

Dear Fox Searchlight, Where Are My Anal Beads?

Several weeks ago, I blogged about how Fox Searchlight is handing out anal beads to promote the upcoming release of the latest Chuck Palahniuk novel-turned-movie "Choke," and a Fox Searchlight publicist said she would send me my very own set of Fox Searchlight Anal Beads (TM) in the mail, and I never got them. This is, like, a national outrage. I am disappointed in the world.

My Fox Searchlight Anal Beads Are In The Mail

Thank god for Fox Searchlight. Yesterday, I wrote there were reports that Fox Searchlight was handing out anal beads to promote its upcoming film, "Choke," which is based on a novel by Chuck Palahniuk. Today, I emailed Melissa Holloway, a VP of publicity at Fox Searchlight. Was it true? I asked her. Was Fox Searchlight really handing out anal beads? Today, she's my new BFF. Not only did she send me the fine anal bead photos you see here, she's going to send me my very own set of Fox Searchlight Anal Beads (TM) in the mail.

"Hi Susannah,
Yes, we created bookmarks w/ strings attached that represent 'anal beads' to hand out to people who attended Chuck Palahniuk readings / book signings around the country as he just participated in a cross country press tour to promote his new book Snuff. The bookmark does say on it, 'for your book, not your bum, and not for small children' as they are not intended for actual use.

We figured fans of Chuck and his work were obvious choices to be interested in the film, so we used his tour as an opportunity to create and hand out promo items. I’ve attached a copy of the bookmark that we are currently producing for our release campaign, and we would be happy to send a couple to you once they are ready. Can you send us your address?

Best,
Melissa"

I love America.

Choke On These Anal Beads

Yesterday, I wrote that Fox Searchlight is promoting its upcoming Chuck Palahniuk film, "Choke," by handing out anal beads. Today, Defamer's got the photo. HOT! The idea of that guy sticking those Fox Searchlight Anal Beads (TM) up his ass is... Well. Yes. Anyway. I bet Owen Gleiberman never dreamed his name would appear next to anal beads. Congrats, Owen! Relatedly, I emailed Fox Searchlight PR maven Melissa Holloway regarding this matter. She has yet to respond to my anal bead query. I'd like to say my "Choke" anal beads are in the mail, but I suspect they are not.

Hollywood Is Hard

Defamer picks up my earlier post--"Fox Searchlight Handing Out Anal Beads?"--with editor Seth Abramovitch adding a new twist.

"We're reminding of a recent Lionsgate promotion in which entertainment journalists across the country were gifted with Hostel 2-branded urethral sounding rods—a fringe S&M practice most of them were entirely unfamiliar with, resulting in the majority of the nonplussed recipients either tossing the stainless steel devices, or using them as makeshift letter openers."

I hate it when that happens.

Fox Searchlight Handing Out Anal Beads?

According to a recent testimonial, Fox Searchlight is handing out anal beads to promote "Choke," the latest Chuck Palahniuk novel to be turned into a movie and starring Sam Rockwell and Anjelica Houston. Slated for a September release, the book turned movie is about a crazy-mothered con man who fakes choking so people will save him and attends sex addict meetings to get laid.

(I read the book several years ago. Meh. It was classic Palahniuk. Fast food literature for armchair thrill-seekers.)

Apparently, at a Palahniuk reading for his new pornlit novel Snuff in DC, said anal beads were handed out to attendees and were reportedly attached to a book mark and were supposedly to promote "Choke."

I like to think of myself as forward-thinking, but, frankly, it had never occurred to me to promote a movie by having potential audience members stick something related to the movie up their butts. I bow to your sexual forethought, Fox.

(Also? The anal beads were blue. In case you were wondering. How long before they're selling on eBay? I don't know. I'm thinking... soon.)

"It should probably be noted they were a promotional item for the upcoming film release of Choke, attached to a bookmark with fine print that reads 'For your book, not your bum, and not for small children.' But whatever, they are still blue, plastic anal beads."

No. These are Fox Searchlight anal beads.

In a new interview with the Daily Texan, Palahniuk thanked Fox for the anal beads: "And then also 20th Century Fox is gearing up to publicize 'Choke,' so they have all these Chinese factory anal beads."

And all "Sex and the City" handed out was some lousy booze in a shoe box.

It's been too many years since I read the book to remember the I'm sure pivotal role the anal beads play, but there's some discussion of it here. Also? If you're like, what are anal beads? Go here. You're welcome.

Anyway, the reading wasn't all about the anal beads. There were inflatable sex dolls, too.

Watch the "Choke" trailer. There's no anal beads in it. At least, you know, none that I could see.