"Shutterbug Shoots Waterless Holes" sounds way dirtier than it is.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Peek-a-Book Porn
I love this post. Man goes to local Goodwill in Booksboro, Georgia. An online bookseller, man is browsing books section when woman comes over, starts asking questions, states she has a book collection at home a few blocks away. Man follows woman home, surveys woman's books, concludes they suck, but buys them anyway, $15 for the lot of 100. Man gets home, picks up book near the bottom of box, book makes strange noise. Man opens book, which appears to be a copy of The Caine Mutiny, and discovers a stack of pornographic Polaroids stashed in a hole cut into the middle of the book.
"I've now gone through all the boxes and looked at all the books and a surprising number of them have been hollowed out with Polaroids stashed inside. The women depicted are varied (ethnically and size-wise) and the pictures range from softcore to extreme hardcore. Some of the images are very bizarre, at times grotesque."
I wonder if MoSex would be interested. (via Kottke)
Quote of the Day: Jacob Covey
"Even the way Wonder Woman is lying in the middle of this house of men, possibly masturbating, is accidental art on the grandest scale." -- "Gotham Apartments"
Reverse Cowgirl Does ANIMAL
Well, lookee-lookee. I'm going to be posting a couple times a day over at ANIMAL's blog. I've joined the illustrious ranks there alongside Copyranter, the only person on this earth who may actually be crankier than me. A week or so or something ago, I asked Bucky Turco, who steers the ANIMAL mothership, if he was interested in having me post over there because I'm getting tired of writing about shit I don't care about, saying crap I don't really mean, and not being able to say what the tits I want. So, thanks, Bucky. I'll be posting on sex and culture, and I'll be posting a link here to what I post there, so you won't get all confused and end up crying and wetting yourself and feeling ashamed and walking home while all the other kids laugh at you. That's not a true story, of course. The one time I had an accident in the bathroom in kindergarten, I told the teacher another girl did it. That's how I roll. In any case, my first post features a foot fetishist, a porn star, and four boobs: "FASTER, PORN STAR! FUCK! FUCK!"
Photo of the Day: ?
Bigger and full set here. I want those fucking Rodarte shoes so bad I can fucking taste it. Also? I have a headache the size of Atlanta. Today eats ass.
Balk Porn and the Case of the Purloined Proposal [Updated]
Got an email this past weekend in reference to this post. Came from an individual who read Gould's proposal in its entirety. Last weekend, a few folks end up at a bar, gather around a table, and one attendee pulls multiple copies of the proposal from her purse. Said copies are passed around, read, and readers find themselves "collectively aghast at its bone-shattering awfulness." Reportedly, it's "painful" to read. Supposedly, Gould as recently as a week ago declared she wouldn't be writing a memoir because writing 8,000 words about herself was too depressing, and she couldn't imagine writing 80,000 words about herself. I guess this is the part in the post where I'm supposed to say something insightful, but the only thing I can think to say is just because it sucks doesn't mean it won't sell for $250K-plus in a matter of days. I guess that's the breaks when the idiots are driving the clown car.
Updated: Another anonymous emailer who was present for the proposalakkake concurs: "I was there when that book proposal came out. And I'll tell you with remorse, as someone who has been trying to stick up for Emily: it's abysmal. It makes me sad."
Related: "I Have a Book Proposal in My Pants."
My Own Private Plagiarizer [Updated]
Last weekend, I got an email from someone I don't know. It directed me to a blog: "140.6 Miles: An Ironman Training Journal," which is written by a 27-year-old female in New York who refers to herself as Dying Water Buffalo and appears to be named Courtney Greene. Specifically, the email pointed me to a post entitled: "She is a girl."
The email read: "I came across your 'She is a Girl' essay and realized that another blogger that I read had borrowed heavily from you, to the point of plagiarism. This is unfortunately the second time that I have seen her lift whole phrases and passages from another writer on the internet so wanted to alert you to this." It continued: "Just wanted to let you know - aside from the plagiarism I find it a bit disturbing that she's 'stolen' such a personal story and that so many people have left comments praising her for her 'honesty' and writing skills when it's really yours!"
"She Is a Girl" is the title of a short story--a highly autobiographical work of fiction--that I wrote, as I recall, in late 2004. It was published in Maisonneuve in the spring of 2005. While Maisonneuve made only the first paragraph of the story available online, I published the story in full on this blog in June of last year, so people could read it and, I hoped, enjoy it.
The post I was directed to in the email was published on September 26 of last year. Apparently, Courtney took my story and changed some of the words in it. As if fiction writing is simply a game of Mad Libs.
Here's my opening paragraph:
"She is a girl. Prior to her birth, her grandmother, in hopes of a boy, knits clothes for her, only in blue. On the day of her delivery, her parents are relieved; a boy, they feel, without saying, could prove more than they can handle. The girl is so pretty, riding along the sidewalk in an old fashioned pram the mother has found at a garage sale. People stop them, complimenting the mother on the girl’s fine features and graceful comportment, despite the blue outfits she wears, day in and day out. She has pink cheeks, soft skin, and a winningly toothless smile. She lets her mother cut her soft curls in the backyard without event. She is the apple of her father’s eye, her round face unfurling in a wide smile, as he gestures with his finger under the curve of her neat chin. She is adored. She is beloved. She is a girl. In her way, she understands how it is."
Here's her opening paragraph:
"She is a girl. Prior to her birth, her parents, in hopes of a boy, pick out only a boy's name, Christopher John. On the day of her delivery, her parents are disappointed and scramble to think of a girl's name. They settle for one they don't hate, keeping CJ for initials, which will be her nickname. The girl becomes so pretty, full of energy, bouncing along on the sidewalk holding her mother's hand. People stop them, complimenting the mother on the girl's fine features and big green eyes, despite the blue outfits she wears, day in and day out. She has fat pink cheeks and a winningly toothless smile. She is the apple of her father's eye, her round face unfurling in a wide smile, as they pass a football in the backyard. She is adored. She is beloved. She is a girl. In her own way, she understands how it is."
Obviously, the issue of plagiarism is a moot point; it's clear. Increasingly, this sort of thing has been happening to me over the last few years. The whole thing makes me feel a combination of depressed, angry, and nihilistic. Especially in this case.
Among her post's 47 comments: "You are a beautiful woman and this post is amazing." "i appreciate your putting your thoughts out there, for the public, like this, it is a portrait into your innermost thoughts and is at the same time both celebratory and sad." "You have an amazing way with words. I felt like I was reading a beautiful novel."
I'm a writer. That's the story of my life. Because I can't really do anything else right, my writing is like the little gravestone I figure I'll leave behind. And this? I don't know what else to say. Except it sucks. And so does Courtney.
(Updated: Another victim of her plagiarism is a blogger known as J. who wrote a post about his experiences running an Ironman race that was apparently plagiarized by Courtney. His original post is here, a comment in which someone points out to J. that he has been apparently plagiarized by Courtney is here, and J.'s response to having been apparently plagiarized by Courtney is here. To be clear: J. was the apparent victim of Courtney's apparent plagiarism and not the plagiarizer. And if she removes the post (edited to add: which she did), as she did in the other case when she was confronted about it, the post is cached here.)
Thursday, June 26, 2008
And I Say "Vomit"
I wouldn't post this, because I really don't give a shit, but this writing is so god awful I thought it was worth pointing out. I love the blogosphere, and the blogs, and the blogginess of the world, but one thing blogs have done is given people who write the perception they are writers. Excuse me, I have to go let a sunset caress my profile.
Writing Her Body
Girl blogger writes all over herself, right here and right now. ANIMAL calls bullshit, I appreciate her graphomania, you can watch the video.
Heart on Chain
I really love this anatomically correct heart on a chain from Paraphernalia. It also comes in black and white. Or you can show off your ribcage. Or your brain. (Via VividFluxury.)
Tokyo Gore Police Hopefully Not Coming For You
The trailer for "Tokyo Gore Police" is deeply arresting. Where to begin? With the crocodile vagina? The removable face? The blood rain umbrella? I guess the one thing I would say is that it made me appreciate that some parts of the world attempt to deal with the harsh realities of inevitable death not by censorship but with humor.
"The plot: future Tokyo is plagued by bio-mechanical a virus. People who contract the virus turn into 'Engineers,' named so for their ability to assemble weapons out of their infected flesh wounds. A special privatized police force (the gore police, also known as 'Engineer Hunters') exists to wipe out these beings, but if they’re wounded by one of the engineers, they quickly join their ranks, horrific implements of death quickly spawning from their own flesh."
For another festival of violence, check out this Russian trailer for "Wanted," via Chatarra, which calls it "Porno de balas."
Mr. Pearl Documentary
Diane Pernet reveals that Michael James O'Brien is making a documentary about corset-maker extraordinaire Mr. Pearl. Pearl was raised in South Africa, inspired to corset by Fakir Musafar, and worked for Thierry Mugler. On the set of the doc-in-progress, Pernet snapped a few pics of Pearl's work on muse Dita Von Teese.
You're My #1 Crush
"I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I would wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sail ships for you
To be close to you
To be a part of you
'Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you."
-- "#1 Crush," Garbage
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Well, God Knows It Wasn't Me
Ashley Benigno emailed me: "Who Killed Bukkake?" Who, indeed. My mind is maximum-boggled by this lengthy ponderification upon the rise and fall of overwhelming win porn by Momus. Apparently, the Japanese have stopped making bukkake videos--for the record, I have no clue if this is true or not (uh, for what record, I do not know)--and Momus has taken it upon himself to figure out why. Why, indeed. His intellicocktualizing touches upon fashion, transgression, Kafka, calligraphy, shirudan, power ballads, consumerism, bushido, yakuza, gansha, Viagra, tantric sex, and shinto.
"3. Let's speculate, for a moment, that bukkake is a branch of calligraphy. After all, one of the pleasures of the genre is seeing the expressive, gestural shapes sperm can make on a face, the satisfyingly graphic representation of the transition from internal repression to sudden external release. It really is painting with the white ink of life. But maybe the Japanese are neglecting their traditional arts?"
It's a must-read.
I Was Going To Title This Post "Sometimes I Think If I Had Perfect Tits, My Life Would Be Really Different" But Then I Read The Comments
kjottbein says:
Post more pictures of your mother plz
Theutates Thunder says:
She only did this one photo shoot and after the abortion went wrong which, as a result, my father stabbed her eyeless, the contract was not renewed and she just received the payment for this job, which just about covered the clinic bills.
As much as she tried to hide it from us, I discovered this shoot in a magazine, stored away in code-locked suitcase which I opened by trial and error. Luckily my mother isn't around any longer. And by this I don't mean to say that she has died. She is simply not around.
I am still an only son.
manuelefior says:
nice mother anyway
carlos thomas says:
dear, i like her breasts so
Theutates Thunder says:
It's very heppy story for me and my village.
I cannot express my gratittude enough for Playboy.
Theutates Thunder says:
no, really, I could have done with a suitcase locked but unfortunately destiny wanted that suitcase unlocked, unleashed. The golden age of porn was meant to see the light of day.
(via PonyXpress)
Big Penis Party
Tomorrow night, Taschen and Coco de Mer are hosting a launch party for The Big Penis Book. Balk asked me if I wanted to cover the event for Radar Online, but I said I couldn't, which is tragic, really. After all, this isn't just a book about penises, it's about style: "...the big penis never goes out of fashion." Editor Dian Hanson discusses the book and big penises. I'm thinking it's for the ladies and the gays.
Quote of the Day: Lawrence G. Walters, Esq.
"'We tried to come up with comparison search terms that would embody typical American values,' Mr. Walters said. 'What is more American than apple pie?' But according to the search service, he said, 'people are at least as interested in group sex and orgies as they are in apple pie.'" -- "What's Obscene?"
MenMenMen
It's men's fashion week in Milan. Didncha know? This fetishtastic rubber trench from Prada is a standout. After the show, Miuccia declared men are struggling between fragility and power, "hanging in the balance... between extremes." Interesting. And right, I think. Tim Blanks witnessed: "All this and a gold latex coat: As the mannequin moved, it trembled, poised indeed between fragility and power." Navigating the gap continued on other runways. At Alexander McQueen, the clothes "defined a man’s body (as opposed to the slender frames of the 90-pound weaklings that pass for mannequins on many catwalks)" and revealed the male form in gauzy transparencies and oxblood spangled tiers. Men in crisis? Maybe. Or perhaps they're just exploring the scope of their sexuality in latex and sheers.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
My Pornography
Writing isn't easy. Probably, I could write that line a million times, and that would say better whatever it is I'm trying to say. I'm working on my novel. The title is Happy. It was born out of my experiences in Porn Valley. It isn't easy. Not only is it hard to write, but I don't know what to say about it, so I say not a lot. Writing is crazy-making. Writing about these things made me crazy in the past. At this point in the story, my main character is going crazy, and that means it's like he and I are on a seesaw, and sometimes I'm up and he's down, and sometimes I'm down and he's up, and it's a lot like a battle, and nobody knows who wins in the end.
It's about pink salons, soaplands, and geisha bars. It's psycho-noir, apocalyptic tomorrows, dogs in nightmares. It's the story of waterboarders and whales, IEDs and pornography, Happy and Chance. I read an interview in I can't remember where with an author who had written a mystery, and the interviewer asked about the ending of the story, and the writer said something to the effect of why would he have written the book if he'd known what was going to happen in the end? Writing is like walking down the street blindfolded, and you're being led by a blind man.
Did you know Faulkner wrote As I Lay Dying in six weeks? On a turned over wheelbarrow? Working nights at a power plant? True or false? Does it really matter? When it comes to putting words on paper, what's made up is more true than what's real. Faulkner: "Given the choice between the experience of pain and nothing, I would choose pain." When you write blind, the words spill out on the page, and you can't help but see yourself.
What's this book about? The more I write, the less I know. Porn? I doubt it. Death? Maybe. PTSD? Suicide? Insanity? Yes, all that, too. But I don't know. In a way, I guess you have to turn a blind eye to it while you do it. Otherwise, you trip yourself up on your own psychoanalysis, the blind man leaves, and there's nothing left but you and the yawning chasm of the white page.
I am sure of one thing. Writing is lonely. The loneliest.
Email of the Day
"Ms. Breslin,
I ran across your blog somewhat recently (and somewhat randomly), but over a relatively short period of time you have come to strike me as one of the most insightful and sincere writers I have read in a very long time. I include not just bloggers, but also legitimate theatre writers (writers of 'books,' which I read). [Has any writer ever described herself as 'illegitimate?']
Back to where I was going… As soon as most blogs achieve some level of critical/commercial success, the blog posts tend to spiral towards the anticipated, the cliché, the doppelganger making fun of itself in the webcam. You and your blog exceed these dismal expectations. You think before you post, or while you post, or whatever: Actual thought (not just offhand response) is apparent in each of your posts (which, considering their volume, is remarkable). And it doesn't just appear,
it typically adds value, and meaning.
[I should probably mention here that I am a gay-gay-gay college professor without a blog of my own, and no interest (commercial or otherwise) in the continued success of your blog beyond my own desire to keep reading it.]
Your voice is distinct and unique because (I think) it is uniquely personal: It displays the ambiguity and temporal and sublime malleability of the human spirit, distilled through a filter of (I think) post-modern-yet-ancient sexuality.
If you have not read Harold Bloom's 'Shakespeare: The Invention of the Human,' (which most sane people with lives have not) you may not understand this reference, but I believe you have a voice which understands its age in the same way Shakespeare understood his age: It is not an age—we are human. Humanity is, essentially, timeless: We may blog while our frozen coffee drinks melt, but we would really rather be fucking like our caveman ancestors, our ancestral pilgrim settlers, our slave-owning forebears, and our white-trash in-laws. It's our way. (It's mine, anyway.)
In short, thanks for a great blog. You make me think about myself and my relationship to the world I live in. How many writers can say that? And I could give a rat's ass about where Anderson C0oper puts his cock. How many gay blog readers can say that?
Best,
[redacted]
P.S. I address you as Ms. Breslin because I'm a southerner, and we've never met, not because I want you to be my dominatrix, as I suppose, by now, you've gathered. Happy summer."
Usually I Go for the Alley
Supermodel urinating on the runway fetish video or anti-binge drinking UK ad campaign? You make the call. (via AdGabber.)
Ron Jeremy v. His Ghostwriter, Round Two
Ron Jeremy responds to the Great Porn Ghostwriter Debate:
"He says people only care about who I fucked. All I’m saying is people care about furry puppies more than my dick. So, how about a chapter on my work with PETA?"
Considering how many people visit this blog every day while searching "ron jeremy penis," I'm dubious about that point.
Dear Fox Searchlight, Where Are My Anal Beads?
Several weeks ago, I blogged about how Fox Searchlight is handing out anal beads to promote the upcoming release of the latest Chuck Palahniuk novel-turned-movie "Choke," and a Fox Searchlight publicist said she would send me my very own set of Fox Searchlight Anal Beads (TM) in the mail, and I never got them. This is, like, a national outrage. I am disappointed in the world.
Choke on This
It's hard to beat (HA-HA. GET IT? BEAT!) BuzzFeed's take on this chicken-choking ditty:
"We’re not quite sure what to make of this video from Thunderheist, but its inherent use of animal prints, chicken legs, and a blond Asian-y hipster chick do, nevertheless, make for some hypnotic imagery. In fact, watching this video is less likely to send you into a seizure than it is on a hazy shopping spree at American Apparel."
I'm calling it the Reverse Cowgirl clip o' the day.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Sarah May Scott on "Quid Pro Quo"
Reverse Cowgirl pal Sarah May Scott, a blogger with a T4/5 SCI, blogs "Some Thoughts on Apotemnophilism." According to Wikipedia, apotemnophilia is "the erotic interest in being or looking like an amputee," and the fetish is the focus of a new film starring Nick Stahl and Vera Farmiga: "Quid Pro Quo."
She writes: "I feel conflicted about this movie, because I am of the opinion that any depiction of wheelchair users as sexual is a good thing. Really, any depiction at all will do, because we are largely an invisible minority to a lot of people, and the only way to change that is to raise awareness. So for me a feature film that explores sexuality within a disability context is a move in the right direction, no matter how awful the subtext of the film might be."
Read the rest of her entry here. Meet Sarah here. Follow along as she trains her service dog Coco for certification here. Related: "My Own Private Rehab," "Melt Me Down into Big Black Armour," "Social Networking for the Disabled: Why?"
The Great Mad Men Debate
Subject: "Mad Men Misunderstood."
Quote: "The New Jezebels act like the girl in 'The Exorcist,' their heads forever spinning because they can't make up their minds if they want to spend all their time trashing men, whining about how oppressed they are by magazines, or blogging about how many times they got fucked last night--so they end up doing all three at the same time."
Opinion #1: "When I grow up, I want to be Susannah Breslin."
Opinion #2: "Oh, Susannah, you are so full of shit."
Opinion #3: "Of course, I understand that when you used the phrase 'New Jezebels' you weren't only referring to the Gawker site's contributors but to a larger state of things. Still, I think Jezebel provides a centralized, nicely packaged example of the badly oiled machine that is modern, Dudes Suck! based quasi-feminism or whatever this thing is supposed to be. I hate feeling this way because I really looked forward to Jezebel. I love smart, funny women and smart, funny women who can write are especially wonderful. But, when it became clear that the tone of posts, on gender issues at least, would violently swerve back and forth, like a drunk behind the wheel of formula one car -- one moment decrying (and maybe celebrating in some odd, pile on the rabbit way) 'dude' crapiness and the aesthetic absurdity of penises (or, as the cute-a-rati say, 'peen'), the next moment...well, doing pretty much the opposite -- I knew there were wheels within wheels at work." [male reader via email]
iPorn Porn
iPhone Porn:
"The Google search results on 'iPhone porn' are tumescent, too, and there are many, many websites in existence that can cater to all your hand-held smut needs."
"The technological feats of the 3G iPhone are key to the coming pornucopia."
"'In your palm, the iPhone is more cinematic than other devices,' Joone says."
Quote of the Day: Jessa Crispin
"If there was a committee, I imagine them telling her, 'We're sorry, but the formula to qualify for true sluttiness is as follows:
# of Total Men > Your Age x 1.5
Having slept with 40 men by the time you're in your late 30s does not make you a slut. Go back into the world and get back to us when you've done something really depraved. Also, if you can, please find a better reason for sluttiness than your parents' divorce. It's been done.'" -- Jessa Crispin
Ooops
Yesterday I fell down and hurt myself. Today posting will be frequent but with less commentary. And tomorrow will be business as usual.
XXX Church Shirts
Say what you will about the XXX Church, but I always thought their merch was pretty cool. Like this new design. They've got their classic "Jesus Loves Porn Stars" in silver foil on black. And don't tell me you don't already have their "Jesus Loves Porn Stars" bible. Ironically, their T-shirts are printed on American Apparel.
George Carlin, RIP [Updated]
George Carlin dead of heart failure at 71.
Seven Dirty Words:
Shit
Piss
Fuck
Cunt
Cocksucker
Motherfucker
Tits
Updated:
(via Brett Walker)
Friday, June 20, 2008
Violently Happy and the Week in Review
Oh, this week. We laughed, we cried, we thanked God it came to an end. Let's do it, let's review it, let's me and you it.
1. NSFW died.
2. I died.
3. Tom Junod met a natural born killer.
4. We danced!
5. Matt Richtel profiled a digital pimp.
6. We loved.
7. We lost.
8. We were moved.
9. We were paid a visit by Judith Regan.
10. Once upon a time, we were men.
Thank you for reading this week because I'm here, you're there, and whatever this is bridges the gap between us.
Mad Men Misunderstood
What is with the New York Times Magazine? First they publish a 7,000-word essay without a drop of cultural analysis in it as a cover story. Then they deliver an equally lengthy look at "Mad Men" that entirely misses the point of its subject. I guess that's what happens when you send a woman to do a man's job--or send a woman who doesn't get men to write about what men want. In theory, the piece offers up a look behind the scenes at the TV story of ad men in the early '60s from one of the guys behind "The Sopranos." But writer Alex Witchel, whose husband Frank Rich wrote an equally vapid, keep-the-story-at-arm's-length-at-all-times piece on the adult film industry years ago, just doesn't get it. "Mad Men" is man porn--the pornography of manhood--and not in the pejorative sense. At its heart, "Mad Men" works not because it's about the culture of ad execs in the sixties; it works because it's a fantasy about the time before feminism, when men were men, period. "Mad Men" works for the same set of reasons that "The Sopranos" worked--by painting gender roles in black and white--and the result of transgressing into this bawdy, martini-ed, lying, cheating, dirty, loving life is pleasure. I don't know what's up with the so-called gender wars these days, but whatever's going on, it's a mess. The New Jezebels act like the girl in "The Exorcist," their heads forever spinning because they can't make up their minds if they want to spend all their time trashing men, whining about how oppressed they are by magazines, or blogging about how many times they got fucked last night--so they end up doing all three at the same time. That'd leave men kind of... confused, wouldn't it? No wonder the international mobile porn business is fast becoming a $20 billion a year business; men have to have something to look at that's not so fucking complicated. The shortcomings of "Mad Men" are few and far between, but what it lacks it lacks because it isn't hard enough, likely because it's on AMC, not HBO. Either way, men will take their pleasures where they find them. Anything's better than listening to the endless stream of static coming from the mouths of 21st century women who can't decide if they're feminists or freaks.
Judith Regan, My Hero
Yesterday, I wrote a post about recently deposed HarperCollins CEO Jane Friedman being a douchebag and literary lightning rod Judith Regan publishing books about sex.
"While Friedman's archenemy Judith Regan was no princess, at least she had the balls to publish daring books about sex, even if they weren't all very good. Friedman, on the other hand, remained the Erica Jong of publishing. Unable to get over whatever fantasy of power she believed she had at the dawn of the feminist revolution all those decades ago, in today's climate of sex-sex-sex, Friedman was nothing but a bore, a literary erection killer, everything Regan wasn't."
And then I got an email from Judith Regan.
"Actually most of the sex books I published were fabulous, even the ones Jane Friedman cancelled.
SEX TIPS FOR STRAIGHT WOMEN FROM A GAY MAN
SHE COMES FIRST
HE COMES NEXT
THE SURRENDER
HOW TO MAKE LOVE LIKE A PORN STAR (a cautionary tale) and much maligned and misrepresented by the media
Many burlesque art books and so much more…which titles did you find poorly done…just curious.
Keep up the good work and listen to my radio show on SIRIUS STARS 102 every Wednesday."
My work here is done.
American Bukkake Girl
I took this photo on the set of a bukkake movie a long time ago in Porn Valley. The PA had one hand. At a certain point, he would wave me over into the middle. I would stand right behind the director who was shooting. I would look over his shoulder. I guess you could say I wanted to know what the girl was doing. Looking back on it, I think I'd have to say she was somewhere else altogether. Then I shot her.
Trend Update: Tribooblets
Artist and Reverse Cowgirl reader Sebastian Burton writes in to say that my claim yesterday that having multiple mammaries is the next big thing is, in fact, dated. Back in March, Sebastian called it first.
"As they say in Texas; bigger is better. Most people would say so especially when it comes to titties. I say upping your cup size is so last century. Women should take a cue from Total Recall and go not for bigger, but for more and maybe have each one be a different cup size. I'm sure if you take a stroll through Porno Valley or possibly somewhere in Dubai you might even spot a few early trend-setters."
Dammit! I hate it when that happens. Hopefully, I'll still get credit for having coined the term "tribooblets."
My Top Ten All-Time Favorite Movies And Ten Notes On The List
1. "Raging Bull"
2. "Orlando"
3. "Magnolia"
4. "The Wizard of Oz"
5. "Mulholland Drive"
6. "Apocalypse Now"
7. "No Country for Old Men"
8. "Cast Away"
9. "Sixteen Candles"
10. "Man Bites Dog"
1. I was torn between putting "Raging Bull" first and putting "Orlando" first. We're talking favorites, not greatest. "Orlando" speaks to me like no other movie, but "Raging Bull" is the greater movie, so there you have it.
2. A lot more black and white here than I would have thought.
3. "Magnolia" could have been in the number one position, too. Shares my obsession with the Valley. Father/son deathbed scene is unrivaled in cinema.
4. At my first pass on this list, I forgot "Apocalypse Now" and "Mulholland Drive." Embarrassing.
5. "Cast Away" is a movie I probably would have never seen if I hadn't been paid to review it when it came out. Christ. Beautiful. Plane crash scene? Phenomenal. Love the silence. The transformation. Can't watch it enough.
6. "Sixteen Candles." Um. Sorry! I'm a girl.
7. "Man Bites Dog." If you haven't seen it, see it. Faux serial killer doc. "CINEMA! CINEMA! CINEMA!" Unforgettable.
8. Wanted to include "flex" and "The Operation" but didn't because they're shorts.
9. Apologies to "Taxi Driver." And "Goodfellas." And Scorsese. My hero.
10. My list is weird.
Top Ten Reasons Advertising is Like Porn
Adrants consolidates Blank Is Like Blank's Top Ten Reasons Advertising is Like Porn.
"Only the people who create it are delusional enough to call it art."
Read the rest of the list here.
Distorted Angel Remix
I found this video last night on YouTube. It's Tricky doing a remix of Elvis Costello's "Distorted Angel." I like the track: it's sad, haunting.
Quote of the Day: Panther in Pumps
"I can't write about how I feel, so I write around it, only how I feel grows larger and larger, so I write around, wider and wider, until one day I realize, I'm not writing about me at all: I'm writing about blow up dolls being strangled." -- "Writing Circles" by Panther in Pumps
Email of the Day
"Fuck [redacted] - Punk Ass Bitches!
Your posts are funkier than 19 yards of chitlins with onions & sardines on the side!
You're something special Susannah - keep it coming, darlin' - we'll be here to watch the circus you put on parade each day like we always do, with baited breath... bloodshot eyes... and a purple heart.
Don't let the bastards drag you down, 'kay?"
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Deformer
Yesterday, I posted that I was in the running to be a Defamer editor. Today I am not. Tragic! It's like on "America's Next Top Model," when Tyra shows the last photo, and it's not you--it's the other girl. Now I'll have to give a speech to the camera about how I'm going to pursue my dreams, as I fight back the tears. Anyway, that's that.
Food for Thought
Working girls may be the new black, but three tits are the new tomorrow. When everyone starts running around with tribooblets, remember you heard it here first.
May I Move To Paris?
Good God, these are beautiful. European safe sex posters by James Jean. (Via Boing Boing.)
BONUS LINK: If you want to be mind-boggled, a Boing Boing commenter points to "NSFW: A Beginners Guide To Sporn."
I am agape.
Iconic Vibrators (White)
Jimmjane, the San Francisco-based producers of high-end sex accessories, has released a new, all-white line of vibrators. The Usual Suspects features three of the most iconic vibrators in vibratory history: Iconic Rabbit, Iconic Pocket, and Iconic Ring. It's like the The White Album--only you make the music.
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